Anniversary celebration even though separated? I don't want to. Do I have to? Am I supposed to?

My husband and I are separated. Not legally. I left this past February because of emotional abuse. He and I have a 10 yr old son. He%26#039;s been apologetic for his actions...sometimes. Other times, he%26#039;s just angry and denies any abuse. Recently, he%26#039;s been on the nicer side. Truth is, I%26#039;m not in love with him anymore, if I ever was. We just got married June 12, 2004. We had been apart before that, again, because of emotional abuse and I decided to give him another chance after 8 yrs of being apart. Now, he%26#039;s trying to get me back, or so it seems. Flowers at work, invitations out, being nice when we see each other. I just don%26#039;t love him anymore. I don%26#039;t even like who he is. I haven%26#039;t for a long time. His desires for his life, his outlook, his attitude toward people, his language, his heart, etc. He masked all of this for a long time and when confronted about why he%26#039;d changed so much since, he said %26quot;I did what I had to do to get my family back. Now he wants to spend our anniversary together.

Anniversary celebration even though separated? I don%26#039;t want to. Do I have to? Am I supposed to?
You%26#039;re done? Then be done and don%26#039;t linger in the relationship. It sounds like he%26#039;s willing to do what ever it takes to get back into your lives, but he won%26#039;t continue. Once he is comfortable you will revisit why you separated. Give yourself time to heal and keep moving in the direction you know will be better for you and your child. There%26#039;s nothing to celebrate except your freedom!
Reply:never do what you dont want to, especially since you are already separated and you know what your feelings are. dont waste any more time with this loser.
Reply:If you don%26#039;t want to, don%26#039;t. It wouldn%26#039;t be fair to anyone. For you, you%26#039;re stuck doing something you don%26#039;t want to do. For your son, it%26#039;s confusing and sends the wrong message. For your ex, it gives him false hope.





He is being nice and falling all over himself to get you back because you%26#039;re gone. He only wants you because you%26#039;re not there. If you came back, he%26#039;d be the same emotionally abusive jerk you left. This is just a controlling move on his part - trying to cajole you into doing something HE wants you to do, which YOU don%26#039;t want to do - largely to see if he can talk you into it. If he does, he wins.





Take your son to the park, or go out to dinner with your friends, or visit your family, or shut your door, close your blinds, take your phone off the hook, and settle in on the couch with a glass of Chardonnay and a good book. But don%26#039;t spend the anniversary with him. It%26#039;ll be the beginning of a much bigger mess for you.





Good luck!
Reply:This invitation for a get together is another ploy. Been there- done it. I spent ten years trying to get away and I finally had to move 65 miles away from him. It took 3 years but he finally gets that I don%26#039;t love him. Sorry, but it will be difficult and there will be alot of emotional break downs but you have to sever ties.



loan